Why Boundaries are Essential in Life and Money

written by Bari Tessler March 17, 2023
Why Boundaries are Essential in Life and Money

Dear Money Adventurer,

Boundaries are one of the steel threads that run through this life and money journey. They’re one of the core themes that come up in this work over and over again–in money, life, love, and even business.

From the first day of my Art of Money program to the conversations that unfold in my Mentorship community, we’re exploring what it means to be in healthy relationship; to have healthy boundaries. Not only in your personal relationship with money, and with yourself, but in your relationships with the people you hold closest to you.

You may practice drawing boundaries with your honey by holding up an imaginary sign to let them know you feel overwhelmed in a particular conversation or situation. When that happens, your sweetie knows you need some time to process and get grounded before you can reconvene and move forward.

For your partner, honoring your boundaries means giving you the space and time you need. But honoring their own boundaries means letting you know when you come back together that they felt shut down or shut out in that moment.

Or one of you might let the other know you need more support around the house, time to connect one-on-one, or to check in and adjust expectations around managing family finances.

Drawing healthy boundaries with your nearest and dearest might mean letting your siblings know that your chapter of “being bad with money” is over. That those aren’t stories you’re interested in retelling or having told anymore.

It might look like telling a dear friend that you love them, support them, and want to show up for them in meaningful ways, but financial support can’t be one of them.

Or maybe it’s drawing a boundary with yourself: if you give financial support, you’re giving it as a gift and a blessing, not as a loan.

Personal boundaries could look like negotiating an extra week of vacation before you sign that new job offer because you’ve made a commitment to yourself to prioritize your need for rest and renewal.

Sometimes boundaries are sparkling clear like a bright spring day. Other times we discover them abruptly, like that perfectly camouflaged Lego your kiddo dropped on the stairs. Only realizing too late, when you’re already experiencing the shock of a dramatic and unexpected physical and emotional response.

Sometimes you run over your own boundaries in your hurry or desire to help, catching yourself after the fact when a heavy, sinking feeling says you’ve overstepped.

Or when a beloved trips over a tender spot, and your response takes you both by surprise, and you suddenly see, “Oh. I never put a boundary there to guide us.”

It can be painful and challenging to recognize our boundaries and reactions, to slow down and take a breath before responding–but that’s part of this learning journey.

When we realize that something doesn’t feel good or sit right with us, we learn to draw a line, to back up and try again, and figure out how to do things differently.

Pause here for a moment. Place a hand gently over your heart. Take a few slow, deep breaths and tune in to your body. What do you notice?

What is one small step you can take to honor or strengthen a boundary that could use some love and care?

As you explore where and how “no” shows up in your body…

As you become familiar with what “yes” feels like…

You grow deeper in self-knowing and come to understand your beliefs, values, and emotions in new and profound ways.

You practice pressing “pause” to take a moment, a breath, and check in with your body.

You become more mindful of how you respond, what you say, and how much you choose to share.

You learn to be more discerning in your “yeses” and to deliver your “noes” with more grace and elegance.

You offer yourself more care and compassion.

You cultivate a sense of safety and self-trust.

You build more authentic and aligned relationships with your friends, family, and clients, with your money, your body, and your whole, beautiful self.

This is why boundaries are essential in this life and money journey.

This is my wish for you.

P.S. Hey, do you know we have a podcast? Head on over to your favorite place via iTunesSpotify or Google and enjoy!

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