Today, I want to show you what a short, sweet and productive money date can look like in a relationship, so that you can go and do your own version after I share my little story.
Last week my husband and I had a quickie in the basement. OK, that definitely sounds a little more sexy than it was. Let me explain.
Forest's office is in the basement. And it was a Quickie Money Date.
It started with him telling me he liked my velvet vest, and asking if I got it at the consignment shop. (It's a long vest, looks like a coat, and is a deep, rich burgundy velvet.)
Then we proceeded to discuss cash flow.
We always discuss numbers after my Art of Money registration: How we compared to last year (was there an increase or decrease?). What are the actual numbers for yearly income and monthly income. And so on.
We discussed some of his Clarity Lab business numbers.
We clarified expenses that are increasing: We got regular health insurance again instead of a healthshare.
We clarified expenses that are decreasing: Our groceries/food budget is way down now that we are using Green Chef and making those meals at home. This has been the hardest expense to decrease for us and we are finally doing it.
(Seriously, this has been a life-changing experience for our household. We pick the meals, Green Chef does all the shopping, the ingredients show up at our front door along with very precise step-by-step instructions, then we cook the meals. We are loving the meals and saving money, it's such a win-win!)
We clarified our Montessori private school bill is ending in 3 more months. We are counting down the days. Looking forward to public school next year for our boy!
We clarified the expenses for our upcoming trip to Spain (what's already paid for: flights and the whole 2nd part of our trip, which is the soccer tournament our son is playing in) — and what we still need to pay for while we are traveling.
It got a little heated as we discussed his car payment, so we each took the floor to share how we see it (...it's amazing the way each of our minds explains this expense differently).
But after hearing him out I was really able to see that his business income-commissions pays for this, and that we really needed a safe car that drives to Denver for our soccer commute + road trips since my little electric car doesn't go far.
After the energy got revved up and we talked it through, I said, "Let's go back to how much you love my velvet coat".
I wanted to lighten the energy a bit, and dissolve some of the last bits of tension still lingering. And it got him to pet my velvet coat.
I try different techniques like this to dissolve any tension as we end, so we can end in some appreciation for having the hard and important conversations, and for celebrating that we are on the same page and the same team.
Then we put our hands and palms together to close out the quickie money date, and appreciate all that we just talked through.
In the spirit of transparency, I can't say we 100% remember to end every money date in a positive way. Sometimes it gets heated and I walk away in a huff.
But if I remember to go into the money date with clarity and foresight for a completion with an ending like this, our success rate in doing so goes up significantly.
(Note: That's a tip to tuck into your back pocket for your next money date with your honey, to help create a calm, clear-headed conversation about an easily-emotive topic.)
Yes, we'll have a longer money date soon once I update our Quickbooks online, and have all the numbers to discuss. But I think these shorter money dates can really help the longer money dates.
So you might have a smaller, 20-minute Money Date like this one once a week to pay your bills or discuss cash flow as we did (perhaps while nibbling some dark chocolate)... and have larger ones monthly or quarterly.
Well there you have it! A window into our world, and a peek into watching these potent money practices, in practice. We’re all works-in-progress.
I wonder, when was the last time you had a Quickie Money Date with your honey — in the basement, or elsewhere? Do you feel more empowered and easeful going into it, having read this?
Ok, now it’s your turn. Please go schedule that quickie money date or ask your honey, “Is now a good time to have a money date?” and proceed lovingly from there.
With all my support + dearest wishes,
P.S. Want more support for your own Money Dates? We have a free workbook to help.