How to Take Yourself on a “Money Date”.

written by Bari Tessler October 24, 2012

When was the last time you took yourself on a money date?

Okay, I admit, it might not have the same appeal as dinner + a movie, but the rewards of regular money dates are huge and far reaching. And it may surprise you to experience just how fun, satisfying, sexy, and nourishing they can be! What exactly is a Money Date, you ask?

A Money Date is simply time and space for you and your money relationship to connect. Your Money Dates are the building blocks for your Money Practice, which needs cultivating, crafting, and consistent care – just like any other self-care practice in your life.

Say hello. Have tea + chocolate. Dive in there. Your money date can be . . . . . . spontaneous or scheduled. . . . Brief or extended. . . . Deep, or not. . . . On your own, or with your honey.

I suggest you start with a Body Check-in…

Check out this guided body check-in to help you get comfortable.

And then what?!  

As with any kind of date, it might take you some time to get comfortable.

Here are some practical things to do during your money date (ideas + suggestions) to ease you in to your money relationship:

  • Login to your online accounts, and look at your balances to see if there’s anything funny going on.
  • Pay bills if they’re due.
  • Update credit card information if needed.
  • Set up a meeting with your accountant, or ask for great referrals if you don’t already have one.
  • Add a new person to your Financial Support Team 
  • Track your income and expenses using Mint, quicken, YNAB, quickbooks – or the bookkeeping system you choose.
  • Add up your income and expenses for the month. (ps – does this terrify you?)
  • Organize your receipts.
  • Write out, or review, your money goals and intentions.

Experiencing Resistance? Ideas for when you’re not feeling it:

  • Candles. Music. Chocolate. Flowers. Wine. Anything that helps get you in the mood.
  • More Body Check-ins.
  • Take a look at the resistance.  It probably has something important to share with you.
  • Scan the scenery of your money relationship. Ask, “What is my next baby step?” Clean your basement files? De-clutter your closet? Unpack a painful money story?
  • Zoom out for some perspective: What season of your life are you in? What are your money goals? Where are you in your money story? Sometimes we simply need to step outside of our “money date to do’s” and shed light on the bigger picture.

Quotes from the Money Date Community . . . You are not alone. There is an amazing community (my students + clients + others, I’m sure!) out there making money dates, avoiding money dates and experiencing the whole gamut of the money date jungle. Here are some of their sharings:


I’m going in. Money date today. It’s a dark scary cave with monsters and impending doom, an ex factor, uncertainty and all. But I know I’m going to come out the other side the better for it.


For the next hour, I will be on my money date with myself. I will not do the laundry, pick at the dust bunnies under the couch, get started on dinner, run errands, shave my legs or tweeze my eyebrows NO MATTER HOW URGENT.


Having a little money date with myself for 15 minutes. Checking my online balances. Paying some bills. Updating my debit card info. Calling my bank lady. Taking care of little practical details that need my care + attention as I start my day. Nibbling on chocolate. Body check-in. Fuller breath. Thank you quickie money date.


Had my first money date with my husband last night and it went so well!! We started with a body check in, then discussed part of the material in the Art of Money before creating a list of topics we want to cover over the next several weeks. Then we ended with a closing. I’m so happy to have created this container together for how and when we’ll come together for these dates.


Surrounded by beauty and goodies, having a money date with myself. Researching tracking systems and sampling a few demos. I am definitely stepping out of the mold. Trusting my instincts…wow, that feels good to say. Having fun…so happy.


Coffee, Chocolate and me on our first date with money! Slowly working my way through Chapter 1, trying to actually savor it rather than answer everything in a rush, like my chocolate.


I did it, I did it, I FINALLY DID IT!!! My first Money Date after scheduling them weekly and not following through. Lit a candle. Diffused some essential oils. Read Bari’s articles about Money Dates and fear about looking at numbers. And then, I DID IT!! I looked at the numbers, paid a bill, planned for my next date. It felt SO good to get some clarity about my money and where it’s going. I feel hopeful. 


My husband and I had our 1st official money date last night. It took us many body check ins, blocks of chocolate and a little time for us not to dance our angry dance at each other. We have had our head in the sand for so long and it is so refreshing to take a big breath of fresh money air. I can feel the shift. I could feel the anger start to melt and be replaced by understanding, empathy and self love.


Are you inspired? Terrified? READY? An invitation: Pull out your calendar. Schedule one money date. Or sit your sweet tushy down right now, and jump in. It can be for 5 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour – choose something that feels doable for you, right now. And begin. Remember, your relationship with money asks for consistent care and nourishment. A healthy, peaceful, empowered financial life is made up of sooooo many teeny tiny baby steps. Your job right now is just to take one of them: a money date.


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