What if your sweetie and you do money totally different?

written by Bari Tessler November 12, 2015
Couples + Money Discovery Tool

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it for years to come:

When couples choose to do money work together, you will move mountains.

You can become closer, more intimate, more on-the-same-team, than ever before. You can peer beneath the surface of those fights (or those closed-off lines of communication) and see what’s really going on. You can make it fun and playful. And, I know it sounds crazy, but: you can make money work downright sexy. (Ahem.)

But here’s the rub:

What if YOU are oh-so-ready to dive into money work … but your sweetie isn’t?

Foot down. Shut down. Not interested. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Oh, this is tender territory! And believe me: if you find yourself in this scenario, raring to make shifts in your money relationship, longing to do this with your honey, but knowing s/he simply won’t come along with you on the ride … well, you’re in some really fine company, my friend.

More often than you’d imagine, I get behind-the-scenes emails like this:

Bari, I love your work, and really want to dive into it. I know money is a huge sore spot in my relationship with my husband, and if we could talk about it together, everything would shift and deepen. But while he supports my desire to do this work, he’s clear: this journey isn’t for him. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t want to do this work with me.

What should I do? Should I do this money work on my own — even though so much of what I’ll work on is about money in my marriage? Or should I wait until he’s ready? Is it really helpful to do this without my sweetie?

Here’s the deal:

  1. When couples show up to money work together, magic happens. Smart, intimate, sexy magic. That’s why couples + money is one of my favorite topics. And that’s why we offer deeeep discounts for couples who join my year-long program, The Art of Money, together. Many, many couples, the world over, have come to us and been forever changed because of this money work.
  1. Many, many couples don’t have the same timing for this money work. And that’s OK!
  1. If YOU are ready for this work … it is yours to do. Now. Your clarity and empowerment are yours to claim. And there are so many tools, practices, and creative inner shifts we can support you in, as you do this work on your own.
  1. When your sweetie is ready, s/he will get more involved. This may take some time. But even this delay — as frustrating as it can be! — is sometimes exactly what you need. This is part of the strange, beautiful alchemy of intimate relationships.

OK, did that sound a little mysterious? Let me show you what I mean, through an audio clip sliced right out of one of our monthly Q&A calls from this year’s Art of Money program. (Normally, the content of these calls are kept within the private container of the program, which I guard like a fierce mama bear. But we’ve gotten permission from one of our dear members to share this conversation with you all, and we’re so grateful to her.)

In this rich clip, you’ll hear my response to the caller, who was frustrated that her husband wasn’t ready to take a financial leap with her. Whether it’s leaping into a more expensive lifestyle, leaping into a different career, or leaping into vulnerable money work, the dynamics are the same.

Listen to this short audio clip and learn:

  • How to honor the different rhythms and types in a relationship.
  • A helpful reframe: shifting from “ultimatums” to “non-negotiables.”
  • My “freight train/jaguar” side … and how different my husband, Forest, is with financial risk.
  • The surprising alchemy that’s possible when you and your honey are totally different with money.

To download the mp3 recording of this clip, right click over the link below and select “save link as,” or “save file as” from the menu: Right click here to download.

Money is one of the biggest, most challenging riddles for so many couples. It can be vulnerable and angsty … but it can also bring you closer together than you ever imagined.

If you’d love some profound support around money in your intimate relationship, you’ll find a ton of resources and guidance in my year-long program, The Art of Money (which is open now for earlybird registration, but only for a few more days until November 15th, 2015.) If your sweetie is ready to dive in with you, you’ll enjoy a deep, deep discount if you join together as a couple. And if this is YOUR time … you know it. When you commit to your own money healing, it ripples out through the rest of your life — including your relationship — in wonderful, irresistible ways.

Click here to learn more about The Art of Money 2016 — and the early bird bonuses available when you sign up now.

Here’s to love, to money healing, and to all the intimate ties between them,

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p.s.  Once a year, something magical happens ‘round here: my beloved, year-long money school, The Art of Moneyopens its doors a little early for the early birds who have been waiting (with baited breath) to begin their journey to a better relationship with money. That time is now … and we’re celebrating with this Money Mochas Series: mini-jolts of sweet, delicious money clarity. In the time it’d take you to enjoy a mocha, you’ll get a rich, savory idea of practice about money. Enjoy!

The best part: each Money Mocha is heart-plucked from the private, member’s only area of my Art of Money program. So you’re getting a wee taste of the Art of Money experience!

If you love this sneak peek, consider signing up for our early bird registration for The Art of Money 2016. We officially begin in January, but we’re opening our doors from now to November 15th for those of you ready to get started now … and get spoiled with exclusive classes, rituals, and e-goodies from me. All the details about early bird prezzies and this amazing, year-long journey (open now!) are right here.

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